I have gained more white hairs than Santa has on his entire face and head since I got a new computer. I’m not exaggerating. My computer hates me.

My desktop died two Christmases ago and I got a laptop to replace it. This was my new start in a New Year. It would give me more space on my desk. I had visions of me tapping away in my neighborhood coffee bar, writing that great Canadian novel.

Scratch that lofty thought out the window. This laptop had its own agenda. Remember that diabolical doll called “Chuckie?” That’s my computer.

The first thing happened while I was typing merrily along and everything froze. I truly mean froze—nothing moved—neither cursor nor keys. I gently tapped on the enter key and then I tapped a bit harder, a few more times.

Well okay, maybe I tapped a tad too hard as Hubby shouted that he “heard that” from the next room. When nothing happened after all that pounding, I did what we all do in those uncertain techie times, I turned the computer off, waited 2 minutes and then turned it on again.

It worked. Perhaps, this was a glitch. You know, new tech toy, new operator.

Then, the laptop got quite creative. It began to switch bits and pieces of my writing in an egg-scrambley way. I had cleverly killed one of my characters by having his ex-wife push him into a vat of rising bread dough. (He was the baker and owner of a fancy bakery). Well, Chuckie had switched pieces of written bits around when I checked my progress. It was the baker who was attacked by a vat of rising bread dough that was somehow dumped on his ex-wife. Mind you, this was kind of creative too, but it wasn’t what I intended.

Today was the ultimate attack. Microsoft had another update—a 4-minute one. So I left the computer to “shut off and restart” when it was done. As usual, extra bits were added to improve on things I never use but are all part of the Window 11 package.

The scenic view on my screen was spectacular. But, there was no access box for me to sign in. In fact, there was nowhere and nothing for me to access—just a big screen with a big picture. I hauled out the manual I had downloaded and printed out when I got my laptop. There was nothing that even remotely resembled my problem.

Hubby came to my rescue. “Hold your finger on the power/turn-off button for 30 seconds. Then turn the computer on again.”

It was a miracle. It worked.

At least the computer behaved. I was able to sign in and check my email. However, when I tried to reply, the keys didn’t type. The keys weren’t locked, they just didn’t type.

Back to the darn manual. It wasn’t any help at all. I couldn’t even tap out a “help” to Microsoft.

Finally, in exasperation as well as desperation—I turned everything off and unplugged the power cord, the printer and the internet. Then, I plugged everything back and turned Chuckie back on.

Holy macadoodle, it worked. I suppose after 4 hours of hasseling me, Chuckie called it a day. I know I’m exhausted but keeping my fingers and toes crossed that the computer continues doing what it should be doing, being a normal laptop tomorrow.

I’m going to call it a day too by baking a pan of Dark Chocolate Brownies and melting my Godiva dark chocolate bar on top—after all, chocolate makes everything so much better. . . .